The Danger of Holding Onto Your Anger

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Holding onto your anger can prevent you from expressing yourself and from growing in your relationships. While you may need to learn healthy ways to express anger, you want to be sure that you are not keeping this toxic emotion bottled up inside. Anger is not necessarily a bad feeling; however, your response to it may be unhealthy or damaging. If you find anger causes you to lash out at others, throw objects, yell, or engage in other acts of outward aggression, then you may need to work on anger management techniques. 

Holding onto your anger and not reacting can also lead to negative consequences. When you do not speak up for yourself or avoid conflicts, you may develop low self-esteem or turn your anger inward to yourself. 

Anger can be a useful emotion when you learn to handle it correctly. Whether you explode or bottle up your anger, these tips may help you express and resolve your anger in healthy ways.

Find a Way to Calm Down Before Reacting

You may need to develop coping skills to use when experiencing heightened states of emotion. Depending upon what is triggering your anger, you may need to leave the environment temporarily. If your typical strategy is to “bottle up” your anger, understand that anger is a normal and natural human emotion. Learning healthy ways of expressing anger can help you minimize your fear of it.

To calm down, you can try the following practices that are known to relieve stress.

  • Count to 10
  • Take deep breaths
  • Go for a walk
  • Squeeze a stress ball
  • Meditate
  • Engage in Mindfulness activities
  • Exercise

Express the Reasons for Your Anger

When you are angry, you may lose your ability to think rationally. Once you feel calm, you can start to identify the reasons for your anger. If you are in conflict with another person, state the reasons for your anger from your point-of-view. Use “I” statements, like “I feel _____ because _____.”

If you are feeling angry out of frustration or due to other situations that are not in direct conflict with another, communicate your feelings by:

  • Speaking to a friend
  • Writing in a journal
  • Using positive self-talk to problem solve with yourself

Find Solutions to Resolve the Issue

Remember that anger is often an indication or a warning sign that something is going wrong.

Once you separate your emotions from the situation or the people around you, you can understand what caused you to feel that way. If you are holding onto your anger, you may need to develop problem-solving skills to find solutions. Discuss things with others, research ideas online or in other media, and work toward solutions.

Agree to Work Towards a Solution and Compromise

You may need to compromise with others to resolve the issues or problems that are making you feel upset. Agreeing to a compromise can help you resolve these issues with a collaborative effort from another person. If you are dealing with anger directed toward situations or other events, agree with yourself to follow through on your solution. You may want to write out a plan to deal with the problem or work on coping skills for triggers that may cause anger.

Helpful Things to Remember

If you struggle with holding onto your anger, remember that anger is a natural emotion everyone experiences. You may feel fearful of expressing anger due to past experiences or trauma from seeing overreactions of others. 

When you fear your feelings, you may pursue unhealthy behaviors that help you avoid these feelings. You may turn to substances or alcohol to suppress your anger, keeping your anger inside. Remember that anger is not an issue in and of itself. Rather, what you choose to do with the anger can be helpful or harmful. If you are using your anger as a call to action to find practical solutions that do not involve hurting yourself or others, then you are using anger to motivate you towards taking healthy actions. 

Learn to accept your feelings of anger. Learn to live with them and allow them to communicate with you. Take time to calm down, relax, remove yourself from stress, and get a fresh perspective on the cause of your emotions. Find a supportive friend, family member, or professional to work on finding healthy solutions and ways to express your anger.

Anger is one of our most common and strongest emotions. Often, anger can be an alarm alerting us that we need to take action. It can motivate us to move forward and make positive changes in our lives. We may, however, struggle with expressing our anger in healthy ways. When anger is bottled up, there is a danger that you will release it in unhealthy ways. By learning tactics to express your anger appropriately and use it to pursue solutions to your problems, you can find the motivation needed to make positive changes in your life. Unresolved anger can lead to low self-esteem, depression, addiction, or other issues that will have a negative impact on your life. If you are actively hiding your anger with drugs or alcohol, you may need to find help and support. If you or a loved one struggles with anger issues complicated by mental health or substance disorders, we can help. Call The Kimberly Center today at (855) 452-3683.

 

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