When you begin your recovery journey, you may have a friend or family member who is less than supportive. It may be that they previously engaged in substance use with you, are not currently sober, or do not understand or respect your decision to get sober and recover. This could also be someone who simply does not understand how addiction and treatment work. 

No matter the case, you will want to allow your friends and family members the time and space to adjust to this new reality. You will also need to set boundaries and take proper action if these boundaries are not respected by others. 

Try to Understand Where the Individual Is Coming From 

The concept of sobriety can be somewhat foreign and confusing for someone who has never struggled with addiction or been through the detox process. Some of your loved ones may appear unsupportive, but perhaps they just do not understand what you are going through and are afraid of doing or saying the wrong thing. It is also possible that you may have done something to offend them or break their trust through your substance use, and the relationship needs some healing. 

The best way to remedy this situation is to have an honest conversation with them. Explain how you feel about substance misuse in the process, how you came to the decision to seek treatment, and what you are actively doing to stay sober and live a better quality of life. This is also an opportunity for you to apologize for anything you did that may have hurt them and assure them that you are taking active steps to make things right. Also, remember to be patient and avoid pushing things too hard and too quickly because this process takes time. You do not want to overwhelm them further. 

Try to Avoid Fighting 

When discussing your substance misuse and ongoing treatment with your friends or family member, it is essential to remember to keep a calm voice and avoid raising your voice or getting emotional. Remember to take responsibility for your actions and avoid shifting blame to anyone else. Try to keep the conversation positive and focused on the future instead of being overly focused on the past. If things start to get argumentative or unproductive, it may be best to step away and continue the conversation at a later time when everyone has had a chance to calm down. 

Be Prepared to Identify and Remove Toxic People

It is possible that in recovery, you will identify some relationships that you never even realized were toxic. This can include people who not only disapprove of your recovery but may also threaten it. Some ways an individual will try to hinder your progress include: 

• Convincing you that you do not have a problem and are in control of your substance use
• Making up excuses for you to engage in substance use, such as after a promotion, during a stressful situation, in limited quantities, or on special occasions
• Actively engaging in substance use around you, knowing that you are sober and may cause temptation
• Making fun of or trying to distance you from your new sober friends
• Trying to get you to skip support group meetings or therapy sessions
• Saying that they do not like this new sober version of you or that you are no longer as fun
• Continuously reminding you of your past substance misuse and glorifying it

If you have someone in your life that is treating you this way, they could be a significant threat to your recovery journey. To combat this, have an honest and serious conversation with them where you express that you are not going to tolerate this behavior moving forward. Set boundaries by stating that if they continue to threaten your recovery in this way, you might not be able to continue the relationship. Hopefully, if they are a good friend and truly care about your well-being, they will understand where you are coming from and modify their behavior. If this is not the case and their behaviors continue, it may be time to consider ending the friendship for your own sake. 

Surround Yourself With Positive People 

When you are in recovery, try your best to focus less on the people that do not support your recovery and more on those that do. It is important to remember to surround yourself with positive people that support you instead of bring you down. Research sober clubs and organizations within your community. Through networking, you may be able to start connecting with a lot of positive people with similar backgrounds and interests that are also on their recovery journey. 

When you enter your recovery journey, you may have a friend or family member that is less than supportive of your decision. It could be that they are not supportive of your decision to get sober or that they simply don’t understand what you’re going through because they’ve never been through it first-hand. Make sure to give it time, as this can be a lot to process all at once, especially for those who are just now finding out about your substance use. When the time is right, have an honest conversation about what you went through and what you’re doing on a daily basis to better yourself and stick to your sobriety. If you struggle with substance use or need help developing coping skills or boundaries, our team at The Kimberly Center can help. Call (855) 452-3683 today to learn more about the types of services we provide.