When in recovery, we might need to take an honest look at our past to understand our mistakes. While looking back, we might not like the things that we uncover. We may struggle with admitting some of the things we have done while under the influence of substances or alcohol. However, we are not our mistakes. Who we are now is the result of the lessons we have learned throughout our lives. We can move forward in the right direction and don’t need to remain stuck in the past. While learning from past mistakes is vital for success; getting stuck in the past with feelings of self-blame, shame, or guilt can cause needless suffering. Self-blame, shame, and guilt may seem reasonable depending upon our mistakes; however, these emotions do not serve our growth and they can stifle our momentum.

Negative Emotions Help Us Learn

Our negative emotions can be useful when we do not allow them to consume us. Our brains are wired to focus on negativity and bad experiences, as a survival mechanism: we need to pay close attention to the bad things in order to avoid them. While this survival mechanism helps us steer clear of danger, the brain magnifies negative thoughts, actions, or events. Our reality is skewed and somewhat distorted, and we might neglect to pay attention to positive things in life. We can feel overwhelmed, rethinking every mean thing we have ever said or any action of ours that hurt someone else’s feelings. The best course of action to combat negativity is to learn how to use our negative emotions to propel us toward better decisions and actions in the future.

Negative emotions can teach us what not to do. While our minds tend to overthink the negative, we can choose to experience the negative feeling for what it is, learn the lesson, and move forward. Emotions like guilt and shame do not feel good. Yet, we continue to replay these emotions over and over. The reason that guilt and shame do not feel good is that our minds teach us what not to do. For instance, many times when you take a course of action that will lead to embarrassment or guilt, your brain communicates, “don’t do this” ahead of time. 

Identify Your Emotions and Connect the Dots

What negative emotions do you feel? What actions are these emotions connected to? Self-reflection and introspection can help you connect the dots to discover what is causing these emotions. Group sessions and therapy can help you uncover these emotions and bring your actions into the light. When peers surround you in a safe environment, you might find it easier to open up about your darkest emotions and most regretful actions. The negative emotions you are feeling are communicating something to you. Find out what lesson you need to take away and start moving forward.

Motivation: Moving Away and Moving Forward

Emotions direct us in two ways: moving away from something or moving forward, toward something better. We can move away from specific people, places, or things. We can also move away from thoughts and actions. Motivation away from adverse circumstances and actions is only half of the equation. Moving away from our negative actions and consequences provides us with an opportunity for change. We can fill this opportunity by finding positive and healthy things to move toward. Positive emotions and good feelings have the opposite purpose of negative emotions. Positive feelings inform us about what we want and what we desire. These feelings are connected to actions that bring us joy, happiness, love, and satisfaction. While you learn lessons from your mistakes, look forward to what you want to attract and get into your life. 

Caution About Excess

Sometimes, our positive and good feelings lead us down dangerous paths. When we engage in excess due to good feelings, these activities might lead us to pain down the road. Always think of the end result in the long-term. Some actions may feel good at the moment; however, they might lead to negative emotions of guilt or regret soon afterward. Engaging in any activity in excess can create issues in life by consuming all of our time and energy. A fulfilling and purposeful life involves integrating multiple sources of happiness and satisfaction. Tending to our responsibilities can lead to more profound satisfaction than short-term excesses in fleeting feelings of euphoria. Remember to keep your long-term goals in mind as you continue on your recovery journey. Learn lessons along the way and keep moving forward!

Our mistakes can be valuable lessons for us. We can learn a lot from our past and the shared histories of our peers. However, our minds will gravitate toward negativity and, as we look back to our past, we might become overwhelmed with negative emotions. Emotions like self-blame, shame, or guilt can inform us about the things we should not do. These emotions can serve us if we do not allow them to consume us. All of our emotions have a purpose. Negative feelings give us a sense of our mistakes, as we want to avoid actions associated with these feelings. When we learn lessons from our mistakes, we know what we want to avoid. We also need to consider our positive emotions, which tell us what to bring into our lives. The key is to find a balance and accept that life will be a series of lessons. We can continue to grow in recovery. If you need additional support, The Kimberly Center is here for you. Call us today at (855) 452-3683.