Disorders like narcissism are typically discussed in scenarios where you have a choice whether or not you spend time with a narcissist. Situations, where your friend or partner is a narcissist, can also be approached with taking a no-contact stance. It’s a little different when the narcissist in your life is a relative, let alone a parent.

Realizing that there’s a possibility that the person who has raised you is a narcissist can be very alarming. You may start to look back at many situations from your childhood that seem manipulative or unfair. The catch is, this is your parent, and you love them. Chances are you plan on having your parents in your life as long as you can and in the lives of your children as well. This means there has to be a plan.

Signs of a Narcissistic Parent

If you have a parent who lives through you, is possessive, or is always trying to compete with you, then this may be a strong sign of narcissism. A narcissistic parent will view their child’s independence as a threat, and they will force them to live in their shadows. This relationship can be filled with stress from unrealistic expectations academically, financially, or even in sports. This relationship rarely involves unconditional love where the child is loved just for being themselves.

Although these signs can have a negative effect, it’s important to understand that these signs do not necessarily guarantee that you are dealing with a narcissist. Some of these traits may be done with good intent but come off as narcissistic. Things like showing your child off, being firm, and having high expectations can also be deemed healthy traits in some cases. Some narcissists may even believe that their child is there only to serve their selfish needs, which is extremely unhealthy.

What Does Narcissism Look Like?

These thoughts and feelings of the parent may come from the parent feeling threatened by their own child’s potential and success. The idea of their child doing better than them can be difficult for them to handle. This can result in the parent constantly trying to assert dominance by constantly putting their child down. This can look like nit-picking, judgment, criticism, comparisons, invalidation, and purposely withholding compliments.

Most narcissists have an inflated self-image in their minds. As a result, people around them tend to be treated as less than humans. Instead, they are treated like objects that they use to get what they want out of life. This idea doesn’t exempt their children.

Although narcissistic parents may treat their children as objects, they love to show them off to others. Typically, they are looking to parade around with their possessions, physical appearance, people or accomplishments, contacts in high places, partners, or children. Anything that can boost their ego is subject to be attempted.

As a parent, a narcissist can be strict and possess high expectations. They may micromanage them daily, all while being easily triggered on the opposite end. Anything from lack of attention or obedience can result in punishment from the narcissistic parent. This could potentially develop an unhealthy relationship between the parent and their child.

How to Handle Your Narcissistic Parent

One of the most important steps to take once you realize your parent is a narcissist is to set boundaries. Figure out what is okay with you and what it is not. Maybe this means you are only able to spend a certain amount of time with them. This could also mean that you can’t be with them alone. Once you figure out what your boundaries are, you must stick to them.

In most cases where there is a conflict with your narcissistic parent, it is crucial to stay calm. Try your best not to react with emotion in the moments where you feel like they are about to nitpick or coerce you. It’s sad to say, but chances are they want you to react out of emotion. This shows them that they have control over you.

If needed, you can even plan out your responses to any of the tactics you are aware of. When you realize that a conversation is exceeding your boundaries, a solid exit strategy can help you avoid any further conflict. It is in your best interest to let go of the idea that you have to jump through hoops to keep them happy. The situation may be out of your hands, and if that is the case, it may be time to seek help.

If you feel like you or your loved one has a narcissist in their life, and they can’t seem to let go or make things right, it may be time for some professional help. There are facilities out there that can help. The Kimberly Center specializes in helping people just like you. Be observant as you can when you are dealing with people that you suspect to be a narcissist. Often people get manipulated, lied to, and used by a narcissist, and they won’t know. This is why it is essential to be observant and call out the behavior the moment you see it. Set strict boundaries for yourself to keep yourself healthy mentally. Learn to let go and understand that most of these situations have nothing to do with you and are out of your control. Seek professional help whenever you are ready to. Contact The Kimberly Center at(855) 452-3683.