Watching someone you love struggle with addiction is an incredibly painful experience that can take a toll on your mental health. You may have done everything you can think of to help your loved one get better — such as encouraging them to get treatment, trying to cut them off from whatever substance they are struggling with, refusing to enable their addiction, or even setting boundaries within your relationship with them — only to be unsuccessful. This does not mean that you have done anything wrong, and it certainly does not mean that you are at fault for their struggle with substance use. 

From the outside looking in, it can be challenging to understand why they do not see things from your perspective or accept that they have a problem. Ultimately, it comes down to accepting that you cannot force someone to get sober and that they must make that decision on their own. 

Try to Get to the Bottom of Why They Won’t Get Sober

Sometimes the more you learn about your loved one’s addiction, the more understanding you will have, and the more equipped you will be to offer them help in other ways. For example, many people who struggle with addiction also suffer from undiagnosed mental health problems such as anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, or post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). If you believe this is the case for your loved one, you can discuss different treatment options that are available for them and explain that they do not have to feel this way and they do not have to struggle alone.

It is possible for them to find healthy relief without turning to drugs or alcohol. While the individual might not yet be at a place where they are willing to seek treatment for their substance use, they may be willing to seek treatment for their mental health, which is still a step in the right direction. 

In other situations, the individual may be turning to substance use as a way of coping with a stressful situation. For example, they may have a loved one that’s ill, recently experienced the death of a family member, be struggling with a toxic work environment, or even experiencing financial problems. Once you have identified the problem, you can then consider various ways to help them. This can include connecting them with a grief counselor, helping them pursue other career opportunities that they will enjoy, or setting them up with a financial advisor. 

While this does not directly cause them to get sober, it is a step in the right direction, and it can make you feel better to know that you are doing something to help them. 

Help Them Pursue Other Interests 

Many people who struggle with drug or alcohol misuse might do so because they are bored or lonely. While they may not yet be at a place where they are willing to accept treatment, you can still help them by encouraging them to pursue other hobbies and interests. 

Consider the activities that you enjoy. Maybe it is attending an exercise class or playing on a recreational sports team. Ask your loved one if they would like to join. Getting them involved and keeping them busy with an activity gets them out of the house, takes their mind off of substance use, and gets them to socialize with other people. Some other fun and sober activities you may consider doing with them include: 

• Taking a cooking class
• Going on hikes 
• Learning a new skill, such as sewing or playing an instrument 
• Going rock climbing 
• Trying yoga
• Taking an art class
• Volunteering for a local charity 
• Doing yardwork 
• Joining a church group
• Traveling 

Remember to Take Care of Yourself 

While it is perfectly natural to want to do everything in your power to help your loved one who is struggling, it is crucial to remember that you cannot help anyone before helping yourself first. This is why it is vital during this time to make sure you are taking care of both your physical and mental health. This involves getting enough sleep, eating wholesome, nutritious meals, staying hydrated, practicing healthy coping mechanisms, and fitting exercise into your daily schedule. It may also involve working with a therapist to work through unhealthy or painful emotions. 

Remember that you are not the first person to experience this, and there are counselors out there that specialize in helping family members of those struggling with addiction and other mental health disorders. Most importantly, remember that it is not selfish to put some distance between yourself and the individual struggling in order to take care of your own needs. 

Having a loved one who is struggling with addiction is a challenging and emotionally taxing experience that can lead to mental health conditions like anxiety and depression. While it is only natural for loved ones of those struggling with addiction to want to do everything possible to help them, they must also remember that they cannot force them to get sober. The only person who can make that decision is the individual themself. However, you can help them in other ways, such as helping them get to the bottom of why they felt the need to turn to substance misuse in the first place, offering them alternative solutions, and encouraging them to pursue healthier coping mechanisms and hobbies. If you or someone you know is struggling with addiction, our team at The Kimberly Center can help. Call (855) 452-3683 today to learn more about our services.