Experiencing the loss of a loved one can be life-altering. Grief, for many, is an overpowering emotion that changes daily. The trauma associated with grief can lead to feelings of despair and heartbreak that are so immense that you may feel desperate for a chance to numb the pain and escape. 

If you are in recovery, these feelings can be particularly dangerous as they may tempt you to rely on substances to cope. Since almost everyone is bound to experience loss at some point in their lives, it is crucial to understand the stages of grief and know how to deal with these feelings in healthy ways. This is especially important if you are in recovery. 

The Symptoms of Grief 

While grief and loss affect everyone differently, there are some common symptoms that you may experience. Some examples include: 

• The inability to focus on anything besides the loss of a loved one
• Seeing reminders of this loss everywhere 
• Feeling a sense of numbness or detachment from life
• Losing motivation or doubting the purpose of your life
• Feeling angry or bitter
• Inability to enjoy the things that once made you happy
• Isolating from others
• Trouble eating or sleeping 
• Feeling misdirected guilt 

The Stages of Grief 

Grief is a highly complex emotion, and it often comes in five different stages:

#1. Denial: You might refuse to acknowledge that your loved one has passed and try to go about your life as if nothing has happened. It may be difficult for you to wrap your head around the fact that someone you love is not returning. To the outside world, your behavior while going through this stage of grief may seem odd as you may not be acting sorrowful. You may utilize this standard coping mechanism to avoid feeling pain. 

#2. Anger: It is common to feel anger after experiencing the loss of a loved one, especially those that passed away too soon. This emotion often gets directed towards those around you or life itself. 

#3. Bargaining: While going through grief, you may try to make deals with yourself or a religious figure in hopes of bringing the person you love back. You may also go through scenarios in your head where you wonder if the person you loved would still be alive if you did things differently. 

#4. Depression: It is normal, when experiencing a loss, to feel a deep sense of sadness and depression. This can last for months and even years. 

#5. Acceptance: The final step of grief is to finally accept that your loved one has passed. While you may still experience a sense of sadness, in this stage, you can begin to focus on the happy memories with your loved one and celebrate the life that they led. 

Dealing With Grief Without Turning to Substance Use

• Give yourself time to grieve. It may be tempting to try to move on with life too quickly without allowing yourself to process your feelings. By trying to grieve too quickly, you may find that emotions you thought you buried can hit you when you least expect it. Be easy on yourself and recognize that whatever emotions you are experiencing at this time are normal and valid. 
• Don’t compare your grief to those around you. Everyone’s journey with grief is different, and just because someone else is in a different stage of grief than you does not mean that either experience is wrong. 
• Avoid withdrawing from others. While it may be tempting to cut yourself off from others to be alone, isolation in recovery is dangerous. Push yourself to speak with people who are currently grieving the same loss that you are. It may help both sides to share your feelings as you can relate to one another’s pain in a unique way. 
• Consider finding a local bereavement support group. There are some Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous support groups tailored towards those who experienced a significant loss. It may be helpful to hear from people in different stages of their journey with grief. This can also serve as a reminder that you are not alone and your feelings are valid. 
• Ensure that you stick to your treatment plan. It is critical to continue going to support group meetings or regular therapy sessions to avoid relapse. 
• Don’t neglect your physical health. Try your best to continue eating nutritious meals and getting exercise when you can. Neglecting your physical health during this time can worsen your mental health. 

Losing a loved one is a traumatic experience, and grief is a complicated, ever-changing emotion. Many people may feel tempted to engage in drug or alcohol use as a way to cope with the pain. For those in recovery, learning how to recognize grief and deal with it in a healthy way is critical to avoid relapse. The five stages of grief include denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. If you are currently going through grief, remember that your timeline is unique and cannot be rushed. Whatever emotions you have are valid. Consider joining a local bereavement support group and avoid neglecting your physical health. If you are in recovery, make sure that you continue to keep up with your treatment plan, whether that means attending support group meetings or therapy sessions. At The Kimberly Center, we have helped countless patients take control of their addiction and get their lives back. Call (855) 452-3683 to learn more.