“The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”

-Carl Rogers, Humanistic Psychologist

You have made mistakes in the past. We all have! Making mistakes is a part of being human. You may have made mistakes that have led to a great loss in your life. You might have lost relationships, jobs, friends, freedoms, the respect of family, or your self-respect. 

When the loss due to past mistakes is significant, you may have difficulty moving on. You may feel like your life is a series of mistakes that continue to define you. You may define yourself as a flawed person, unable to change or move forward. While in recovery from addictions, you may need to learn self-forgiveness to truly move forward. The first step toward change and self-forgiveness, however, is self-acceptance.

The Paradox of Self-Acceptance

Humanistic psychologist and founder of client-centered therapy Carl Rogers believed that self-acceptance was the first step toward making change. At first glance, this may appear paradoxical. After all, if you could accept yourself as you are, why are you in recovery? If recovery is about change and growth, then self-acceptance appears in opposition to these ends. Why would you seek change if you accepted yourself as you are? Self-acceptance, however, serves as your starting point for real growth and change. You need to accept yourself as is before you can begin making improvements. Otherwise, how would you know what needs to be changed?

Self-acceptance includes more than making peace with mistakes and flaws. Self-acceptance requires you to also look at your strengths. You may be in recovery to address errors and shortcomings and to change negative behaviors. However, if you look inward, you will find the strength within yourself to carry on in these challenges. Accepting yourself — both strengths and weaknesses help you build a foundation for change that may enable you to find enduring success in your recovery. Often, you may be focusing on the negative things that have put you into recovery. Balance the negativity by also finding value in your strengths and the positive things in your life.

Accepting Yourself and Your Mistakes

You may need to learn to be patient and understanding with yourself to move forward from the past. You may be harder on yourself than anyone else is. You may feel that holding onto guilt or self-blame is justified due to the pain you may have brought into the lives of others. You cannot hold onto guilt or self-blame forever and expect to change for the better! Accept your mistakes as a lesson to create a better life. Learning from mistakes allows you to make better decisions in the future. When you cannot accept yourself and see your mistakes as learning opportunities, you may be prone to repeat these mistakes in the future.

Vulnerability and Letting Go

Sometimes, admitting your mistakes can be difficult. You may struggle to admit to yourself that you have flaws or have done dangerous things in the past. Your mind is likely protecting you from the pain of dealing with your own weaknesses. 

Being vulnerable can make people feel defensive. When you let go of the defense mechanisms that uphold your self-image, you can see yourself more honestly. You may feel some pain, or you may have to make amends to others; however, you will finally be able to move past your pain by moving through your pain. While your mind is working toward self-preservation, breaking down defensive barriers and experiencing pain can help you learn from the past.

Your Mistakes Do Not Define You

Remember that you are human, and humans make mistakes. Listen to the stories of others in recovery. Your peers have likely made mistakes in their past. 

When you realize that you are not perfect and that no one expects you to be, you can begin to accept your mistakes for what they are: lessons for what not to do. 

You might be struggling with separating yourself from your mistakes. You are not the collective sum of your worst moments. You are not the end result of all your errors. Mistakes are separate from you. They may have occurred due to poor coping skills, lack of support or guidance, reactions to adverse events in your life, or many other reasons. You can learn to deal with these reasons in new and healthy ways. You determine your future by how you choose to learn from the past.

Be patient, kind, and understanding with yourself. Imagine that you are giving advice to someone else. You would likely approach them with empathy and understanding. Treat yourself the same way to accept your mistakes as life lessons, learn from them, and move on!

Understanding how to accept our mistakes can help us learn from them and move forward in recovery. Your mistakes do not define you. How you deal with your mistakes does! When you accept yourself as you are, your flaws, and the events of your past, you can begin the process of change. Only by accepting yourself as you are right now can you begin to grow in your recovery. While you may struggle with self-acceptance, imagine that you are giving someone else advice or guidance. We often treat others with the level of kindness, patience, and understanding that we do not always give ourselves. By learning to appreciate yourself as you are — strengths, weaknesses, flaws, mistakes, triumphs — you can build a solid foundation for improvement and growth. The Kimberly Center, in Ft. Meyers, Florida, can provide you with the support you need on your journey to self-acceptance as you recover from addiction. Call us today at (855) 452-3683.