If you have a loved one struggling with a substance use disorder (SUD), you want to do anything in your power to help them get the treatment they need. Since this is someone you care about deeply, you may also want to make them happy and avoid hurting their feelings. 

It is common to struggle with confronting a friend or family member with addiction because you do not want it to lead to an argument or hurt your relationship. Perhaps you may say or do things with good intentions because you think you are helping, but you are actually making things worse. Enabling someone with an addiction removes the negative consequences that someone should face, making it easier for them to continue misusing drugs or alcohol. Enabling addiction is very dangerous, and you may even be doing it without realizing it. 

Different Ways That Someone Might Be Enabling Addiction 

Sometimes enabling addiction can be difficult to recognize and may start in small ways. For example, suppose a child notices that their father left out an alcohol bottle after drinking. They may hide or dispose of the bottle because they know that if their mother sees it, they will get angry. This is an innocent move by a child simply wanting to avoid an argument between their parents. Yet, the longer an individual goes without being held responsible for their actions, the more likely problems will arise. 

Some common ways you might enable addiction include:

• Cleaning up a mess that someone made while under the influence, such as vomit, broken bottles, and spilled alcohol 
• Helping to get the individual out of legal trouble by bailing them out of jail or helping to pay for court costs
• Helping the addicted person with finances instead of making them figure things out on their own (in the case that they have spent their money obtaining drugs or alcohol instead of on the necessities) 
• Covering for the addicted individual at work or school, so they do not get in trouble
• Making excuses for the individual when their substance use causes them to make mistakes
• Avoiding talking about their addiction out of fear of how they are going to react
• Acting as if there is nothing wrong with what they are doing
• Avoiding calling them out when you catch them in a lie
• Helping them obtain drugs or alcohol in any way
• Allowing yourself to be taken advantage of, whether it be emotionally, physically, or mentally by the individual with an addiction

Understanding Why Enabling Addiction Is Dangerous 

One of the primary reasons why people finally decide to seek treatment for addiction is because their substance use causes them to experience severe consequences or because they are court-ordered to do so by law. 

When you enable someone with addiction, you are taking away the consequences that they should be facing for their actions. If they are not suffering from any consequences for what they are doing, what will be their motivation to get the help they need? The process of enabling can go on for many years. The longer it persists, the more likely problems will occur, such as health complications, overdose, and even death. 

The other problem with enabling is that it is essentially minimizing the problem at hand or ignoring it completely. If you do not seem to care that your loved one is engaging in these destructive and perhaps life-threatening behaviors, why should they think there is anything wrong with what they are doing? 

Approaching Your Loved One About Their Addiction 

While it can certainly be awkward and uncomfortable to confront someone about their substance misuse, it is vital that you do so anyway. The longer you put it off, the greater the chance the individual will have to experience serious problems. 

When approaching them, make sure you do it in a private place where they will feel safe and comfortable. You will also want to be sure you are polite and firm and avoid getting emotional or raising your voice. Make it clear to them that you are coming to them because you love them and are worried about their well-being and that you are not trying to judge, shame, or ridicule them in any way. Explain to them why their behavior is worrying you and conclude the conversation by encouraging them to seek professional treatment. 

If possible, try to provide them with as much information as you can about potential treatment facilities and treatment options that are local to them. This includes their phone number, location, and the types of services that they provide. You can even go the extra mile and include options that require travel so they can experience healing in a new territory. 

It is very difficult to approach someone you love about their substance misuse. Many people put this conversation off out of fear of how the person will respond or how it will affect their relationship. Other people may enable their loved one’s addiction by making excuses for them, helping them out financially, assisting them with legal problems, or cleaning up their messes for them. This is dangerous because it is a way of removing the natural consequences that the individual should be facing themselves. You should be firm but polite when confronting someone about addiction and encourage them to seek treatment. If you or someone you know are currently struggling with a substance use disorder of any kind, there is help available. Reach out to our team at The Kimberly Center today at (855) 452-3683 to learn more about the types of services we provide.